I found out my husband cheated on me years ago
This is the predicament one woman finds herself in after uncovering an affair her husband was involved in a decade ago. Taking to Mumsne t to share her story and ask for advice, she asked whether she should hold on to her marriage or end it. Throw it all away? She added that the affair lasted for around a year and involved a handful of encounters, mostly in his car at lunchtime.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Why Men Cheat on Women They Love
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: My Husband Betrayed Me - My Story and How I Found HealingContent:
- So, Your Husband Cheated On You. But What Did He Do Next?
- After the Affair – How to Forgive, and Heal a Relationship From Infidelity
- “I found out my husband had an affair 10 years ago, what should I do?”
- Being cheated on can leave you ’emotionally destroyed’ — here’s how to move on
- 13 People Reveal What Happened When They Gave Their Cheating Partners Second Chances
- What happens after the affair—when you have kids
- 5 Years Later
- Ask Ammanda: My boyfriend cheated on me early in our relationship
- 20 Most Common Mistakes of the Unfaithful Spouse
- Were They Thinking of Me?
So, Your Husband Cheated On You. But What Did He Do Next?
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What to Expect has thousands of open discussions happening each day. We work hard to share our most timely and active conversations with you. We keep them up because there are a ton of great conversations here and we believe you deserve to see them all. I recently found out my husband cheated 12 years ago, after 2 years together, right before pregnant with our first child.
I don't know what to do. I never thought he would have done this. He says he got her number, called and hung out, then kissed her but stopped when she tried to put her hand down his pants, I don't know what the truth is since he has an issue with lying and this story changed multiple times. I fear that they had sex or even worse that he wanted a real relationship with her.
I know he called her after that because she called back and I talked to her, found out she was in Florida. Then when I asked him about it he said nothing of it and I trusted him. We were in a fight at the time but why would he call after he supposedly turned her down? Makes no sense. That time was probably the best time in our relationship I thought , so now I also fear it's happened more and will happen again.
I know I can never fully trust him again. I feel so hurt, embarrassed, disrespected, and robbed of the opportunity to decide what to do 12 years ago. I can't fathom how he didn't tell me then, before we got married, at any point. Don't know how I should feel or what I should do. How would you handle this situation? You said you were in a fight at the time, but then said you thought it was one of the best times in your relationship?
I'm confused on that part. This happened with a friend of mine, although she was the one who cheated. Early in her marriage she apparently had an affair. Her husband had questioned her then and she denied everything. Some 11 years later, right after their first child was born and life was full of sleepless nights , her husband started asking questions about it again and she finally came clean.
I know they struggled a bit, but they worked through it and are doing great now. I don't really know specifics, but I know it took some time for her husband to come around.
As for my friend, I can tell you without question that she is devoted to her husband. I don't know her when the affair took place, but according to her it was at a bad time in their marriage. She cut things off with the other person at some point, and started talking to her husband about things they needed to work on.
So, if it were me in this situation, I'd evaluate where our relationship was then and where it is now. While I tend to agree that I'd be less understanding if it were what I thought was a "good" period, I also know from other relationships that what seems like a good period to some, it's not to others.
Meaning your husband could have been struggling through things you didn't realize. I am not sure if I misread the end of your post or not but it said about him not telling you before you were married. If you were not married yet I would let it go. As long as he has been faithful and honest since. If this happened to me, I would NOT ask for any more details about it.
That won't help. I would forgive him or at least try and move forward. Trust him until he gives you reason not to. Personally I wouldn't be able to stay with a cheater. Trust is trust. But it's your call honey, not everyone is willing to leave their SO on something they did many years back. Maybe counseling would be an option of you wanted to stay and try and work through it.
Regardless , prayers for you.. That's a tough one. Sorry you're going through this right now. Honestly, I don't know what I would do. Like other people said, it was 12 years ago and you should evaluate where you are now compared to then, but it still hurts. I'd feel like the past 12 years of my life were a lie. Relationships are tough because everything is based on trust.
Without trust, nothing will work. I think it would really hurt my feelings. Hopefully you listen to your inner self and do what you think is best for you and your family. Would it totally destroy my world? But if he had the respect to be honest with me, knowing that I would possibly still leave him, it would make me think that there may be something worth working to save. I can promise you it's not something you can easily forget, being cheated on is detrimental and is such a blow to your self esteem But let's look at the positives here He did tell you, he had an opportunity to leave you as well and pursue her and he didn't People do make mistakes and this was a big one but at the same time you thought things were fine and dandy, they clearly weren't!!
So maybe he was having some really hard feelings due to you not noticing things weren't ok Cheating is never ok, I have been cheated on!!!
I know how painful it is, but I do think there are major things to consider. With counseling and constant will to see things work out, you guys can. It was 12 years ago, remind yourself of that. He will view it 12 years ago, but you will need time to feel as if it just happened and make sure you communicate that It's fresh to you, not to him. But this is something you really can move forward from. The biggest question is "why did you cheat", Give him time to think about it before he answers you That could be your very answer if you stay or not.
That has to be so painful. I understand why you feel the way you do. I know we sometimes think we know how we would respond if this happened to us, but when it does, it's another story. How is your husband acting now? Is he open to talking about it and admitting his faults? Or is he defensive and upset? I would trust a professional to help me get through this if I was in your shoes. Individual and marriage counseling can get you through this. If you push it off and don't talk about it and try to move on, it will inevitably come up at another point in your marriage.
I say, talk it out, work it out, work through it and come out stronger. Praying for you girlie! Thank you everyone for your input! The reason I found out is because I caught him lying about smoking, and I was shocked that he could lie to my face like that as I didn't think he would, then I started thinking back and wondering what else he lied about. I remembered this incident 12 years ago when this girl called back after he called her, at the time we were in a fight but it was only our 2nd fight in 2 years, when I confronted him about it he said it was a girl he met at a friends house and was just calling to say hi, I didn't push the issue wish I would have cuz I fully trusted him, but it never sat right with me.
So recently when discussing lying I brought it up at which point I got many different stories, first it was just casual flirting, then touching arms n legs then a kiss, the details also changed like where and how they met and where they hung out. I just want to know the truth. I honestly thought our relationship was at its best at the time as we decided to have our first child very soon after.
I am terrified of what else he's hiding as we've had many ups and downs since then. I just can't understand how he could not tell me at any point, especially before we got married.
I feel like such a fool to trust him, but now my eyes are open and I feel like I need to expect more to come out and expect that in the future he will cheat and leave me for someone else, I need to be prepared and protect myself because I cannot take that shock again.
Nightmare turned reality, totally sucks. I must say though that he does want to work on being more open and honest, which I have noticed him doing more. So for now I'm just taking day by day, but expecting him to leave me at some point.
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After the Affair – How to Forgive, and Heal a Relationship From Infidelity
After confronting her partner, the affair was denied. He was the type of man everyone loved being around, and was incredibly nice. For him to be unfaithful seemed out of character, especially since prior to this, the couple had been working to patch up their marriage. After admitting to the affair, they tried to make things work again, and this time, Alex left the ball in his court.
Oxygen and the capability to trust simultaneously taking leave of my body. Check, check, and check. While my husband choked on his confession of having been unfaithful, my heart revved to a pace I instinctively understood it could not maintain. No joke. None of this is, or was.
“I found out my husband had an affair 10 years ago, what should I do?”
We strive to provide you with a high quality community experience. If you feel a message or content violates these standards and would like to request its removal please submit the following information and our moderating team will respond shortly. What to Expect has thousands of open discussions happening each day. We work hard to share our most timely and active conversations with you. We keep them up because there are a ton of great conversations here and we believe you deserve to see them all. I recently found out my husband cheated 12 years ago, after 2 years together, right before pregnant with our first child. I don't know what to do.
Being cheated on can leave you ’emotionally destroyed’ — here’s how to move on
Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation. Remember me. Husband cheated years ago. Start Prev 1 Next End 1.
Would you give a cheating partner a second chance? And if you did, could you ever trust them again? In a recent Reddit thread, people shared what happened when they gave their cheating partner another chance. In some instances, the couples rebuilt the trust, and in other cases
13 People Reveal What Happened When They Gave Their Cheating Partners Second Chances
Limited availability. Carol's eyes burned into Tim like lasers. Tim, her unfaithful spouse, hung his head, avoiding her gaze. Carol and Tim came to see me after his four-month affair with a co-worker.
Five years later so much has changed in my life. We sent our oldest child off to college this fall and our younger two boys are in high school. We live busy lives and our children are becoming increasingly independent. In the same moment I am feeling love and pride, I am also feeling sad and alone. Love is not always brilliant.
What happens after the affair—when you have kids
When two people get together, they date and spend time getting to know each other. For others, it is far more difficult as they thoughtfully consider differences in challenging areas such as religion, culture, social class, child-rearing, or where to live. This decision, when done well, completes the initial bonding stage of a relationship and paves the way for a healthy, growth-promoting process of differentiation. The security of the bond provides a support for each partner's differentiation to unfold. Most committed partnerships come with an expectation of sexual monogamy unless otherwise stated. Today many couples explore polyamory and open relationships, but the majority still live in monogamous partnerships.
My husband cheated on me within the first year of our marriage going as far as having a full relationship with someone. I discovered the truth when he introduced this person to me as a potential business partner. During this time I found correspondence of theirs, where they were sexting and reminiscing over the past.
5 Years Later
Infidelity happens for plenty of reasons. None of them good ones. It happens because of ego or stupidity or breakage. It happens because of arrogance or a lack of self-control or because of that thing in all of us that wants to feel adored or heroic or important or powerful or as though we matter.
Ask Ammanda: My boyfriend cheated on me early in our relationship
We have been married for nearly 20 years. Sex has generally been good. My husband is older than me, a very sexual person, particularly friendly to both sexes and very flirtatious. This was not a problem for me, just an occasional irritation.
20 Most Common Mistakes of the Unfaithful Spouse
Were They Thinking of Me?