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How to stop being over possessive girlfriend

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If you want your relationship to work then you need to avoid treating your partner like your personal property. In time, jealousy can ruin your relationship and it can turn you into that green-eyed girlfriend that nobody likes. A lot of people suffer from being overly possessive in their relationships and this can happen because of the way they were brought up or because of insecurity or jealousy. The good news is that there are a lot of things that you can do to avoid being an overly jealous girlfriend and to start being a dream girl. Here are a few ways to stop being a possessive girlfriend that you should consider:.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Life Advice : How to Overcome Jealousy & Possessiveness

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: STOP BEING NEEDY & INSECURE - how to stay independent in relationships

11 Tips For Being Less Jealous In Your Relationship & Feeling More Secure

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The subject of having a possessive or controlling relationship partner may feel worlds away from the sweet sentiment behind asking someone to be your Valentine. However, many couples find there can be a slippery slope from desiring a lover to wanting to own them. When it comes to coping with feelings of jealousy or insecurity , couples can cross the line from love to possessiveness. There are many subtle and not-so-subtle ways people attempt to control relationship partners as a means to calm their own emotions.

In fact, attempts to exercise power over our partners actually serve to reduce and diminish our own attraction to them. When we try to control someone close to us, we limit them in ways that make them less themselves. We want our partners and ourselves for that matter to be fulfilled, well-rounded individuals who are fully alive. When we make our partner feel guilty for choosing to spend time with friends, for example, we actually shrink their world. Otherwise, we take the air and life out of the relationship.

So how can you stop the possessive patterns in your relationship? The first step is to understand why you engage in controlling behavior, and the second step is to deal with the underlying feelings that drive you toward an unequal dynamic.

Most of us have some degree of fear and insecurity surrounding our close relationships. These feelings can spring from deeper struggles we have with trust, low self-esteem, fears of rejection, loss or intimacy itself.

These deep-seated emotions can lead to a desire to control. Instead of exploring where these feelings come from, we tend to project them onto our partner and start acting out controlling behaviors that we hope will alleviate these painful feelings. For example, we may on some core level feel unlovable or like no one would ever choose us. This negative self-concept can lead us to act out all kinds of jealous or insecure behaviors with our partner.

We may act victimized and wounded by any comment or action that we can construe as disregarding or rejecting. All of these behavior patterns have a lot more to do with us than our partner. And most of them have deep roots in our past. As children, we developed strategies or defenses in an effort to protect ourselves from difficult or painful conditions.

These early experiences shaped our expectations about relationships and the defenses we formed then still play out in our lives today. That is why making sense of our own past and exploring our early attachment patterns can be very helpful in understanding our feelings of possessiveness as adults. As adults, we may project these feelings onto our partner, feeling like we need to make things happen, remind them to notice us, etc.

We may have a lot of anxiety about their movement, fearing rejection or abandonment. As a result, we relive the past, clinging or making efforts to control our partner, so we can feel secure.

Unfortunately, because these feelings are rooted in our history, we rarely, if ever, get the reassurance we seek from acting out our old defenses in the present. Instead, we repeat patterns from our childhood, acting on our insecurities, and often pushing our partner further away in the process. The patterns and defenses we form growing up may have been adaptive to our childhood, but they can hurt our current relationships.

However, there are real steps we can take to break patterns of defensiveness and achieve an equal and trusting relationship. Enhance our sense of self — If insecurity is at the root of our possessive behavior, we have to start to look at ways to bring more self-compassion into our lives. We have to take steps to overcome our inner critic and truly accept that we are worthy and okay on our own, independent of anyone.

We are strong and capable. Even if our worst fears come true, and our partner does reject or betray us, we have to know that our world will not end.

Resist engaging in jealous, authoritative, or punishing behaviors — Actions like surveillance will only alienate our partner and drive a wedge between us. Plus, they lead us to feel bad about ourselves. No matter how anxious it makes us, we have to resist the urge to exert power over our partner. He better not think he can just goof off every weekend. Current events trigger old, primal pain. Making sense of our story by creating a coherent narrative of our past can lead us to a great sense of self-understanding.

It can help us know our triggers and feel calmer in the present. Therapy can also be a life-changing tool when it comes to understanding and overcoming these feelings.

Find ways to calm your anxiety — There are many methods for calming our anxiety. Mindfulness practices and breathing exercises both allow us to learn to sit with our thoughts and feelings without being overpowered by them or allowing them to control our behavior. Some helpful exercises for alleviating anxiety can be found on the website PsychAlive.

Who would love you anyway? This critic is often at the wheel when we experience relationship anxiety , distorting our thinking and encouraging us to engage in possessive behavior. You can read more about how to to identify and stand up to your inner critic here. Invest in your life — One of the most important steps we can take when dealing with possessive feelings and impulses is to focus on our own life. What do I like to do?

Talk to your partner from an adult perspective — It can be valuable to have an open and honest conversation with our partner in which we disclose our struggle with insecurity and feelings that we need to control the situation. When it comes to relationships, we are always better off trusting our partner and being hurt than restricting them.

This is the only way we can truly know that we are loved and chosen by a free person. This was really a mind blowing article. I really thought im the only one experiencing this but now it is helping me change to be a better person. Your email address will not be published. Be Mine: Dealing with Possessiveness in a Relationship. About the Author. Lisa Firestone, Ph. An accomplished and much requested lecturer, Dr. Firestone speaks at national and international conferences in the areas of couple relations, parenting, and suicide and violence prevention.

Follow Dr. Related Articles. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. The ultimate tragedy of the human condition is our awareness of our inevitable mortality. Narcissistic relationships are formed when one or both partners struggle with a narcissistic personality. With divorce rates higher than ever before and Baby Boomers hitting their 50s, 60s and up, more and more mature….

We asked relationship expert Dr. Lisa Firestone for her advice on everything from how to make love last to how….

Build a relationship based on trust

Jealousy is a headache, both to experience from a partner and to deal with on a personal level. It can turn you into the green-eyed-girlfriend you used to hate back when you were sane. It could be the way you were brought up, or because of insecurity and jealousy — regardless of your reasons, many people suffer from being overly-possessive in relationships. And in turn, the entire relationship suffers.

The subject of having a possessive or controlling relationship partner may feel worlds away from the sweet sentiment behind asking someone to be your Valentine. However, many couples find there can be a slippery slope from desiring a lover to wanting to own them. When it comes to coping with feelings of jealousy or insecurity , couples can cross the line from love to possessiveness.

Possessiveness is closely linked to jealousy , which is in charge of destroying relationships , but is also a slowly self-destructive feeling. These negative emotions are painful for both partners, and inconsistent with trust and love. Everything appears in somewhat of a chain reaction , where possession and domination of others is greater every day. Initially, possessiveness is interpreted as a sign of love , but when it becomes a persistent and negative trait, you begin to see cracks in the relationship. The possessive person wants to take over everything, and causes disruption in the life of both partners, making it impossible for someone without freedom or tranquility to enjoy such an overwhelming relationship.

6 Fastest Ways to Stop Being a Possessive Girlfriend

Dear Neil: My boyfriend and I are now in our fifth year. Ever since we started our relationship, we have been very attached. We were always together or constantly texting each other. I started to be clingy and possessive, to the point where I began to look like an investigator or a spy. I feel like all of his time should be focused on me, which is how we were in the beginning of our relationship. I know that the mistake is on me, and that we should both have our own lives. Dear Clingy: You are insecure and clingy because you are making the assumption that you are not worthy of being loved. In essence, you do not feel deserving of love, fidelity and commitment from your boyfriend. As a result, you are assuming your boyfriend is going to fall out of love with you, and eventually dump you for another woman. So no wonder you are clingy, possessive and insecure.

Signs of a jealous and possessive girlfriend: 10 red flags you simply cannot ignore!

A hint of jealously here and there in a relationship might be no big deal, but what happens when jealously starts to completely take over? Many times beneath the feelings of jealously in a relationship are our own insecurities — and this could either be personal insecurities you have regarding yourself, or perhaps insecurities you feel when comparing yourself to others. The ongoing comparisons are not only unnecessary ; they might also end up eating you alive. Beyond those insecurities we just discussed, there may possibly be other issues you're battling internally that could be leading you to feel and act in a jealous manner.

There is a very fine line between having a protective lover and a possessive lover ….

Try these: time management relationship advice healthy lifestyle money wealth success leadership psychology. Even bonds between friends, coworkers and family can become strained when jealousy enters the picture. When envy goes unchecked, it can wreak havoc on the ability to trust someone or even enjoy their company.

How do I stop being jealous?

Extreme jealousy in any relationship is never a good thing. There are several couples in India who think it is fine to be jealous and to accept jealousy from their partners. However, let us tell you that there is a fine line between being jealous and being concerned. You need to ensure that the line is maintained.


Since it can often be quite subtle, you might not notice right away if your partner is possessive. In fact, you might even view their actions as caring or sweet, or think that they just have your best interests at heart. But since these everyday moments can turn toxic over time, it's helpful to see them for what they really are. If your partner is possessive, it doesn't necessarily mean they're trying to control you on purpose , though the results can be the same. While you can't change your partner, or single-handedly help them overcome old issues , you can bring your concerns to their attention.

How Do I Stop Being Jealous and Possessive?

One of the pitfalls of any relationship is when one or both partners have the tendency to be possessive. Well, this behavior can be due to a variety of factors, ranging from individual insecurities to previously experienced traumas, or even due to innate character flaws that were not properly addressed. It can be difficult to handle a relationship when one tends to get easily jealous, because when this starts to kick in, various aspects are touched —including respect, trust, confidence, and the motivation to continue as a couple. But how do you stop being possessive when in a relationship? Here are some tips to help keep you in perspective:.

Dec 21, - Being in a relationship can be an exciting, wonderful feeling. trust in your relationship, and prevent possessive behavior in the future. When you feel yourself becoming too possessive of your partner, taking a A little bit--like protecting your girlfriend from unwanted comments from a guy in a bar--is fine.

Try these: time management relationship advice healthy lifestyle money wealth success leadership psychology. When your relationship is based on trust, it serves as a lifeboat, anchor and sail that keeps you afloat, secure and filled with purpose. When jealousy corrodes the trust and respect in your partnership, the relationship becomes a weight that hinders personal progress. Understanding how to stop being jealous in a relationship is a prerequisite for a healthy union. No matter what baggage the other person brings to the table, you can work on yourself to tame jealousy and create a meaningful partnership.

The Truth About Possessiveness and Love

Being in a relationship can be an exciting, wonderful feeling. You may feel a strong connection with someone that you care about and who cares about you. Sometimes, though, feelings of jealousy or insecurity can pop up and begin creating problems in the relationship.






Comments: 4
  1. Vutaur

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  2. Dourg

    The helpful information

  3. Gotilar

    This variant does not approach me. Who else, what can prompt?

  4. Vudot

    And, what here ridiculous?

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