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Looking for girlfriend > Blacks > Girlfriend looking for validation

Girlfriend looking for validation

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How To Stop Seeking Validation In Relationships or from Your Ex


I’m in Love. But I Still Crave the Attention of Other Men.

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When we think of what we can do to nurture our relationship, we often think of tangibles. Buy her diamond earrings. Take her out to an elegant dinner. Surprise him by wearing sexy lingerie. Buy flowers and chocolate.

Take a romantic trip together. While all of these things certainly won't hurt your relationship at all! The deeper component has more to do with how you interact together rather than what you do together. It's called validation. Consistent, thoughtful validation of your partner's thoughts and feelings is the best thing you can do for your relationship.

Think back to a time when you remember feeling really understood. Perhaps it was a caring teacher in grade school who seemed to know exactly the right thing to say when you were upset. Maybe it's your friend who dropped everything when you called with exciting news and was eager to share your joy. Think back to the last time you really felt heard, understood, and listened to. It's a powerful feeling, isn't it? Validation in your relationship is the same idea. It means that when your partner tells you about their day, or shares their feelings, you stay with them in the moment, honoring their experience.

You join their world and see things from their point of view. It's a way of showing you understand and accept their thoughts and feelings just as they are. Research has shown that having these types of interactions with your partner helps your partner feel less upset and less vulnerable, whereas invalidating behaviors do the opposite; they make your partner feel criticized, dismissed, or contempt from you.

Relationships that are the most successful are those where both partners share their inner world with one another -- their real thoughts, feelings and desires -- and where their partner, in turn, is able to really hear them. When you share a validating style of interacting together, you build trust and intimacy.

These are the bonds that make relationships last. While the concept of validation may seem simple, it can sometimes be a little tricky to execute. Imagine your partner comes home and tells you they are furious because they found out they need to work over the holiday weekend.

What is your first reaction? Many of us would feel protective of our spouse, or upset at the situation, and have the natural urge to try to help or fix the situation.

You might offer advice on how to solve the problem. While it intuitively feels helpful to give suggestions, this can feel invalidating to your partner. Your partner may not be looking for help with a solution -- they probably have already tried to find ways to solve the problem, and might feel even more frustrated in hearing advice, no matter how good your intention.

So how do you effectively listen to and validate your partner? There are a few key components to help guide your conversations. Mindful listening is the first component of validation. This means you really pay attention to what your partner is saying. As difficult as it might be, suspend your own judgments and reactions to the situation or topic.

Temporarily let go of the need to advise, change, help or fix the situation. Your own thoughts are put on the back burner; your focus, instead, is on your partner's current experience. Show you are listening by stopping what you are doing closing the laptop, turning off the TV , turning to face them, nodding your head, and making eye contact as they talk. Acknowledging and accepting is the next step in validation. This means you acknowledge what they've said or what they are feeling.

You might say, "I can see you're upset about this," or "You seem discouraged" in response to their news about having to work over the weekend. Rather than trying to cheer your partner up, you allow them space to be upset. Validating does not equal agreeing. An important distinction is that you can accept your partner's feelings, but it doesn't mean you need to agree with them. For instance, say that you go to see a movie together. Afterward, you discuss your thoughts about the film.

Your partner found it entertaining and funny, while you found it boring and predictable. You might validate their point of view by saying, "It sounds like you really enjoyed the film. It wasn't my favorite, but I can tell that you had fun watching it.

Ask questions. If your partner presents a problem or difficult situation to you, try to find out more about how they are feeling and what they want by asking open-ended questions. It shows you care and want to really listen. Show you understand. Use validating statements such as, "I would feel that way, too," or "It makes sense to me that you'd feel that way given the circumstances" to let them know you see why they feel the way they do.

You can also show validation with non-verbals, such as giving them a hug if they feel lonely, making them a cup of tea if they feel jittery, or giving them space if they need time to think. In the end, it's about the way you interact together, much more so than what you do together. And it can make all the difference in your relationship.

For more by Dr. Shannon Kolakowski, click here. For more on conscious relationships, click here. News U. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes.

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Hey there, I’m Sim

I no longer put him on a pedestal. Whoever I date pretty much can do no wrong in my book, which is very dangerous. I make sure my relationship is a two-way street. I see us as complete equals. If I want to have a strong relationship, my boyfriend and I have to be equals.

When we think of what we can do to nurture our relationship, we often think of tangibles. Buy her diamond earrings. Take her out to an elegant dinner.

After you break up with your ex, you lose a sense of yourself. You have, for quite some time, been a couple. That identity has defined a large part of who you are. In a sense, your ex girlfriend or wife had validated who you are. By selecting you as a mate, she approved of your lifestyle, career, looks, and personality.

The Single Best Thing You Can Do for Your Relationship

I wrote this in response to a post from David at How to Beast. I had this problem myself for many years. Mainly, you care too much about the opinions of other people. Not only their opinions, but their approval. If you continue down this path of seeking endless validation…you will be easily used and manipulated by others, no better than a puppet on a string. As a man in the modern world, you have three different types of unhealthy social validation you need to watch out for. None of these are harmful outright. Superhero…jet-setting billionaire…a guy who gets girls…anyone you want to be. You know what that place is called? Never in history has the attention-grabbing, consciousness-shaping, and thought-diverting technology of social media been seen on such a large scale.

Validation: The Most Powerful Relationship Skill You Were Never Taught

Some forums can only be seen by registered members. Originally Posted by jaypennington. For the people who have followed my story, we are still together. For the people that don't know my story-- my girlfriend and I met eachother and became official after about 2 weeks of dating.

Prefer to listen?

When we get rejected, treated poorly, or someone blows hot and cold in a relationship with us, we often become stuck and fixated on that person. Usually when this happens, our interest in this person turns into a fevered obsession and we go to great lengths to get them to notice us. We will engage in shape shifting behaviours, where we stop being ourselves and try to turn into whatever we think they might like best.

The Breakup-Validation Cycle

I have a desire to be adored by men. As an adolescent, these expectations ran through my head constantly. Pathetic, right?

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 35. Validation

A slew of people around me have been going through breakups recently. Anyway, back to the fragile thing. Breaking up hurts the ego, again, especially for the dumpee. Some of the thoughts that have ran through my head during the breakup are:. I hope the next guy is terrible and she realizes what she missed out on. These were fleeting thoughts that I would usually dismiss, but I noticed something about them…they all spoke to my need for validation.


No matter who you are, dating can be a rough ordeal. We all try our best to be the most attractive version of ourselves, glossing over our faults and unpleasant memories, stressing whatever traits we think will win us brownie points with the person across the table. But what if the feeling of wanting to get your date's approval never goes away? Yes, most people put on a bit of a facade as they're getting to know someone, but real intimacy starts to blossom when both people in an early relationship start letting each other in. If you find yourself writhing with stress a few months into a relationship, constantly feeling like you're going to be "found out," you may be struggling with a pervasive need for external approval. Here, signs your need for approval is sabotaging your love life.

The Breakup-Validation Cycle I'll show her that I can get a better girlfriend! for validation forced me to look at the relationship, and my ex, in a different light.








Comments: 2
  1. Dalkree

    I about it still heard nothing

  2. Shagul

    In it something is. Earlier I thought differently, many thanks for the information.

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